We all look at jealous people and promise ourselves we are not going to be like them. But when you find someone you really love, this creepy emotion finds your way. Dealing with jealousy is hard for any couple, but for those who are in a non-monogamous relationship, things are even more complicated. You can easily slip into grim thoughts, spending time wondering if you are enough for your partner and if they love you. No one said it’s going to be easy, but then, life is all about challenges.
Many people assume jealousy is not a problem for couples in non-monogamous relationships, but the reality is different. Each person has different reactions and many people engaged in open marriages are jealous. In fact, no one is immune to jealousy, but the secret is knowing how to cope with it.
Information is power – this is valid in open relationships as well. Read as much as possible about this lifestyle from poly dating site and books. You can also talk to other people in open relationships to find out how others cope with their feelings. If you don’t have friends in non-monogamous relationships, you can find lots of communities online. There are also workshops and regular meetings you can attend. As part of these communities you can talk about all the things that bother you, exchanging thoughts with other people engaged in non-monogamous relationships.
No more shame
Embrace your jealousy! This might not be the first thing that pops on your mind, but it’s the first step in the journey of learning how to cope with this feeling. When you first feel the emotion, you will be overwhelmed by shame, which makes you think you are too weak. This is not true! Jealousy is normal, so stop blaming yourself for it and start accepting it as a fact of life. If you try to deny the emotion you will only suffer more, so identify and acknowledge it as soon as possible.
After accepting your jealousy you can work on finding its cause. This will require a lot of self-reflection, but once you will discover the root of your jealousy you can work on strengthening your relationship and yourself. On the long term, this will bring you a lot of benefits, both on personal level and on professional level.
Communication is the key
Communication is the key of all successful relationships, monogamous or not. Each time something bothers you, you have to talk to your partner. Hiding your feelings is only going to make you suffer more and it might put a lot of pressure on your relationship. The best thing you can do is tell your partner how you feel and find a way to solve the problem together. Be honest and work on finding a way to alleviate your jealousy, as only acknowledging it to your partner is not going to do anything for you.
Don’t be afraid to tell them you want to go back to a monogamous relationship if this is what you feel.